The Absolute Game Remembered – 3

December 12, 2010

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June 1987 – Issue 3 – 3rd Lanark – get it?

By now, Mad Mac is designing himself as the ‘Millionaire Proprietor’ and there’s another quantum leap forward with the first genuinely solid gold classic article in Mad Mac’s own ‘Radio, Radio !!‘, being an account of the activities of the ‘tranny-men’ (not cross-dressers at Gayfield, but the possessors of transistor radios at football grounds) – it begins –

A mutton pie, a cup of Bovril, a few goals, and a couple of controversial incidents – perfect bliss. Yet for certain individuals this vision of heaven is somehow incomplete. They often take the form of rather forlorn, solitary figures who spend an entire game watching the action with their heads tilted at an unusual angle (useful at Easter Road and Starks Park, sure), shoulders hunched, and a hand to their lughole…………this elite group surely provides the most important social service in the country outside the NHS. Full-time scores, orderings off at Ibrox, postponements at Cliftonhill, mysterious substitutions – all can be relayed instantly by these unsung heroes, whose collective efforts create a truly global terrace…..

Mac then argues fairly persuasively that the 1985-86 Premier title was decided by ‘transistor communication cock-ups’ allied to mass nationwide tranny confusion as to the significantly different identitites of Albert and Walter Kidd, all with tragic consequences for Hearts who threw the title away on the last Saturday.

Elsewhere, the Millionaire Proprietor thunders editorially about the 44-game Premier league and its adverse effect on the national team, and gives us an in-depth look at Meadowbank Thistle (nee Ferranti Thistle and now aka Livingston), including the delicious piece of trivia that “surely there is no other club which can make the esoteric claim that its highest attendance was for a visit by Albion Rovers….“.

Steve Spartak weighs in with a small piece on Liverpool’s worst defeats in the previous 25 years, Wolfgang Needlematch this time turns his attention to Italian football, Aberdeen post-Fergie are examined and Andy Lyon gives us the low-down on the English scene (Should Graham Roberts be recalled to the England squad? Andy laughs hysterically while noting that Roberts was ‘desperately unlucky not to score on his debut when a skilfully placed header was only kept out by a stretching save from Peter Shilton‘) (younger readers should note that Shilton and Roberts were on the same side)).

There are book and fanzine reviews and the Redcar Lunatic makes his first appearance in praise of Berwick Rangers, including the narrative of player manager Eric Tait coming on as a sub against Albion Rovers and being sent off three minutes later.

This time the Readers Letters are edited by Siggi Freud (not real name) – one of the letters begins, “What makes my blood boil is all those twerps who are always spouting on about football being a family game……..“. Ah, yes, this is what we like.

And the ‘Forgotten One’ this time is another immortal (click to enlarge) –

fogd

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